Counting Chickens

Having been to the recall for the audition last night, I've been left in unfamiliar territory. I think I did pretty good - I think they liked me, but my ego appears to be on the rampage. I did one scene with one other person, which was fine, and then I had to read in an ensemble piece, which left me cold.

There haven't been many occasions where I've thought "I'm a better actor than these people"; once when I had volunteered to help out a group who had lost a couple of actors after casting and that was about it. I auditioned with one other chap who was completely lovely but none of the other cast members were there, so by the time I had agreed to help out it was too late.

I met up with everyone for the first rehearsal and was simply gobsmacked by the fucking awfulness of the other incredibly amateur actors, and the fucking creepy director who insisted that you couldn't wear your own shoes if you were going to "truly step into the shoes of another character", so would walk around with his disgusting long toed, long nailed feet out all the time. His idea of direction was to stare at the script (not, in fact, at what was going on ON THE STAGE) and pick you up on any missed word or comma. Needless to say it was a bloody awful production of short scenes in a village hall, not least because some creepy fucker, who would be well in the rankings of stalker of the year award, decided that on stage, in front of my parents would be a great time to lunge in with some unrehearsed tongue action. In a Chekov scene for God's sake. Ugh.

Let me just point out that this audition was no where near the badness of this previous experience, but it had echoes of it which have left me very uncomfortable. One guy decided that he would make the sound effect of the beep of a car instead of just ACTING like he'd heard it. One woman kept trying to move me about the stage during the scene which aside from being incredibly annoying, is SO disrespectful to another actor - what, I haven't thought about why I'm doing what I'm doing? The part that I was reading for is they type that is likely to upstage other characters at certain points (she starts the play speedy as hell, almost certainly on a number of different drugs, then smokes joints and drinks herself into a stupor before having something akin to a nervous breakdown), so the other female parts are going to have to let her fly and deal with the fact they're not the centre of attention at all times.

Another guy (who, I have concluded, is a twat) had a big fucking rant after the scene ended that someone had stolen his "special pencil" and went on about it for about a year.

All of the actors that read through that scene with me were older than me. Some took that as an opportunity to patronise me, others to ignore me. None of them were very good. The two women weren't bad but they were pedestrian in their reading and left me a bit bored. The men were, not to put too fine a point on it, crap. I am not suggesting that I am this acting wunderkid, and after all this I probably won't be offered a part in the first place but if I am offered it, I am seriously considering turning it down.

This would be a first, but my Mum (who knows best) always encourages me to follow my gut instinct. My instinct about this play is that if it's done well, it could be fantastic - funny, dark, moving and so interesting. If it's done badly it will simply be boring. And for the amount of rehearsal time the director is expecting (Monday, Wednesday, Thursday evenings and Sunday afternoons) I don't want to give up my life again for something that bores me. Especially with the writing possibilities which have started to come along lately, which have got me really excited.

I've had a new idea on the writing front for a play which I'm currently playing with and piecing together. I must confess that having seen Mr B at the writing workshop and being impressed with his ideas I have got him on board to help me out with it. So far I'm incredibly glad that I have as a long phone conversation with him on Wednesday afternoon really helped me to make some decisions about where it's going to go and what needs to be decided before we go any further. He's a structure nerd as well, which has made me consider very early on how the story is going to reveal itself and figure out some important narrative points; eg: It's not going to be linear - two stories are going to run alongside one another about the same person before and after a particular event in her life. Next stop: characterisation. See? Exciting!

The date on Wednesday was a really interesting evening. Not sure that it warrants a nickname just yet for the gentleman (who was exactly that - terribly chivalrous; doors held open, chairs pulled back etc) as it felt very much like we were on best behaviour, so I'm not sure how much of the real him I actually saw. He was a lovely chap - he's 29 and really interested in spirituality and meditation so he doesn't really drink much (which, in London, is weird) and has a lot of things to say on many different subjects. He's incredibly well travelled and put my experiences of Dominican Republic, a couple of Canary Islands and a smattering of French camping trips when I was knee high to a grasshopper to shame! I have no doubt that he could teach me much about the world, but I kept having that conversation in my head of "Yes, but do I fancy you?" all through the date. At the end, when we went our separate ways on the tube he kissed me twice on the lips before dashing off - not even a snog! Which I must admit has left me wanting more. A second date would be interesting and I would not say no, but I find myself in the strange position of letting him do all the running. It's quite nice to sit on the fence at the moment, but soon enough it will either progress or fizzle out. And either way is fine by me! Ooh it's terribly strange being this relaxed about things.

So, straw poll - what are your thoughts on this audition malarky? I'll update you on whether they offer it or not xxx

Update: I was offered the part and I have turned it down.

Have just spoken to the Kiwi about it too - figured that I've proved that I can act - I've played comic and serious roles to good reviews, but I still have loads of stuff to try out and prove to myself when it comes to writing. And that prospect is sooo exciting :)