Great Night

Recipe: Two great friends, two London bars, gossip and the occasional famous person...

Result: Me giving my number to a VERY cute barman after about five attempts, then going home after many hugs and declarations of love.

Question: Who would be interested in writing a combined effort blog about how music makes you feel?

Love love love xxx

Cool Quote

"Success... is all about being able to extend love to people... not in a big, capital letter sense but in the everyday. Little by little, task by task, gesture by gesture, word by word."

I love this. Though I was pretty surprised that it was Ralph Fiennes was the one who said it. It has been on my mind for the last few days and it's something I generally try to practice but am now consciously doing.

Redeemed

After various levels of silliness yesterday, all has been resolved and clarified in an extremely tactful and marvellous way.

One of the reasons that I am so impressed with this Jack person is because he strikes me as a genuinely considerate and lovely person - not one to mess people about, whether it be accidentally or on purpose. I had started to wonder over the last couple of weeks whether I had been mistaken in this as things had escalated a bit with some of the stuff he's been saying, but today he proved me right.

Having been wondering whether it might become necessary to have a chat about boundaries after last night, I was relieved and amazed when he somehow managed to make it clear that P (his brilliant girlfriend and my friend) was his priority without making me feel bad or silly or like I'd done something wrong. Whilst doing so his behaviour towards me has still been warm and friendly with no weirdness.

My crush is still there but my confidence that it will go away shortly after this week has increased. My respect for him has gone through the roof. Which is a very pleasant surprise after the whole Mr B shebang - there are men out there with balls and tact. Hurrah!

By the Skin of My Teeth

At what point does one person's responsibility end and anothers begin?

This friend of mine - we'll call him Jack. The guy who is the boyfriend of an amazing friend of mine, we'll call her P. Tonight has been going out night with cast members and all in all it has been a very fun night. However, the summary sent to Farley about half an hour ago was as follows:

"Never been told more times in an evening that I'm hot, cute and gorgeous. I think it's safe to say the crush is not one-sided. Did behave admirably though."

Probably needless to say that P was not with us. Jack was. And apparently, subtlety not so much a strong point. Not least because Mr B was there this evening, laughing loudly in the audience and grovelling quietly in the pub afterwards. When Jack figured that a) he was there and b) who he was; it sort of began. The talk about how he must be off his head to not realise how lucky he was to have me... how (he didn't want to be funny) I was just... awesome. How he'd jump at the chance to be with me in Mr B's position. And so on.

He commented on my outfit ("I have to say that that dress, with those boots... oh my god..."), my hair, my dancing ("you have to teach me to do that sexy dancing...") and many other things. I tried to stick closely with the old faithful - "You're so kind - thank you."

The thing is, it would be too easy to respond to this in an immediate way, and in doing so, fuck over my friend. Even the merest hint of interest on my part would be encouraging behaviour which is already very close to, if not crossing the line on his part. Better to stick with the polite responses and reminders of P; for example after hearing tales of various (highly unattractive) internet date offers that I have received lately, he sent me a text repeating a message I receive occasionally; "Fancy some casual fun?" Funny? Yes. Kick him and threaten to show his girlfriend out of context? Definitely.

My problem is not my behaviour. Or even his really, as by this point I know I am safe in the knowledge that while my mini-crush on this chap is certainly there but by no means putting me in danger of doing anything inappropriate.

My problem is whether to address this or not. I still stand by my original "One week" mantra, where hopefully after the Saturday party things will naturally die off with the lesser time we spend in each other's company. But bearing in mind his request to stage manage on the next show I'm in, this might not be an option.

I am proud of my goodness so far. But gah.

Head kept

Reality bit.

And about time. Just what I needed to ensure that I wasn't a total dick in ways that would make me HATE myself in many ways.

Last night was our opening night and it went down a STORM. The sizeable audience seemed to love it and were laughing their heads off all the way through, sometimes at bits we knew were funny, sometimes at bits we had never even considered. There was a reviewer there too, though the director only told us little cast of five after we had finished the show. Just hanging on for the review to go up and if it's not completely bumholes, I'll post a link.

But last night was also the first time in ages I'd seen my friend with her fella - and they were very very sweet together. Rather than feeling a bit blue about it I am forcing myself to look on the bright/realistic side of this - that my gorgeous and lovely friend is happy. And I've been stopped from falling into a hole with this thing.

BACK!!

"Secretly falling apart."

(Aqualung)

Well, it's been an age quite frankly.

I've been far away for many reasons. Some of which have been about me getting a bit disillusioned with this writing malarky, getting tired of writing the same story again and again (about Mr B). Also had a bit more to do with me having a dreaded life and being in two plays at once and having NO time whatsoever to do anything apart from cram lines into my head, and rehearse.

In the time I have been absent, I've done many things. I've deleted Mr B for starters and have him grovelling at the door to be let back in, in any capacity. I have two parts in two plays - one in a Dario Fo farce which mostly entails me yelping and pretending to be in labour (though really my belly is made of shopping) and the other is extraordinarily exciting as it's what's known as a "two hander" - me and one other girl as the whole cast. Which means loads to work on, loads of lines to learn but a massive challenge and loads to learn.

In the complications which make life interesting, I've managed to come up with a new one for the Newbie. In the first show I mentioned there is a cast of five. Three guys, two girls and we've been rehearsing for almost three months. We all get on really rather well, apart from some bitchiness from one of the less secure guys.

The way that it always works when you're in any play is this; you rehearse for almost three months, more and more rehearsals as you go on, so more time that you spend together as time goes on. As a cast, you tend to get closer and closer and by show week you are absolutely popping with chemistry which means the show is better. Because what you're essentially doing throughout the rehearsal process is learning how to communicate better with each other and breaking down your inhibitions with each other so that you can perform best as a team. Which also tends to play out in the socialising - you tend to go out for drinks more after evenings spent rehearsing and you get to know each other in quite an intensive time period.

This is fertile ground for crushes, relationships and affairs to begin. It's rare for a show to go ahead without something coming of it - for example, I met the Kiwi as he filmed the first show I did at this particular theatre group and met Mr B as a fellow actor in an Antony Minghella rehearsed reading.

And now I find myself in that spongy fertile green land once more. Having deleted Mr B from my phone, life and email I find myself irresistibly drawn to a man I am performing alongside. Despite the fact he is an ordinary looking chap, with none of the long hair and beardiness that often floats my boat, he has a personality that warms me to my core. He is generously funny, extraordinarily clever and marvellous company. He is also the boyfriend of a good friend of mine.

My logic is calling over this madness. I KNOW that in one weeks time he'll be out of sight and hopefully within a couple of weeks, out of mind. I KNOW that I am being a silly sausage and the fact that I love my friend, his girlfriend, dearly means that I will be on my best behaviour at all times. But that's not to say that the madness isn't leaving me happily alone to get over it.

Being a mega friendly chap to everyone, already blurs my hypersensitive boundaries. He pays me compliments which stick in my head more than they should. His reaction when he came to my flat (with others) last week was firstly "Your DVDs are in alphabetical order!! I love you!", and later just normal and eating pasta, at 4am. I hate myself.

Tonight we ended up going out drinking. There were four to start with which dwindled after dinner, and ended up the two of us going on then back to my place and chatting and laughing for some hours over him wearing my smart clothes to see if he could get away without going home (he couldn't) and at drunken youtube videos of him from a couple of years ago.

It's all entirely platonic. I know I only have to deal with this for a week. But my GOD it's hard. In a great way, which is I have met someone who I have a huge respect for and only a small part of it is me fancying him. The rest of it is just being blown away at how great this person is and how he is enhancing my days at present. Will power has never been my strong point but then I am not the girl who messes about with her friends.

It would just be easier if it weren't so easy to see what I want to see in his words and actions.

One week Ang. One week.